An S/H Present Tense story that brings Bay City characters into the present.
Posted by ConcernedMom55. Found on Reddit by Nicoltyler
Hello,
I’m a 55-year-old widow living in New York, and I have two sons. This post is about my oldest son, who is 32 and a police detective in California.
Yesterday, my son’s partner on the force, who is also 32, called me. He asked for the recipe for my son’s favorite food—something I used to make for him. He said he just wanted to cheer my son up.
Here’s some context: My son’s ex-girlfriend, who was 30, was recently murdered by a lunatic. She was a really nice person, and we talked a lot. I always thought she was the one my son would marry, but they broke up a while back. The last time I talked to her, I asked why they broke up. She said it was complicated and that my son couldn’t love two people at the same time. I thought that was ridiculous because he loves me and his Aunt Rosie. I didn’t understand. When I asked my son, he said it just didn’t work out and that work got in the way. They were both cops, and he said two cops shouldn’t date each other. I was a cop’s wife until my husband was killed, so I get it, but I was still really confused.
A bit more background: When my husband was killed, my son became too much to handle. He started getting into fights and hanging out with the wrong crowd. I was at my wit’s end, so I sent him to live with my brother Al in California. Al helped straighten him out, and he eventually became a cop like his dad. I have never been more proud. But because of that, we’re not as close as I’d like us to be. I know he doesn’t tell me everything, but I’m his mother and I worry.
Now back to yesterday. My son’s partner called and asked for the recipe. I asked him why, and he told me about the ex-girlfriend’s murder. He sounded really broken up about it—not so much about her death, but about how my son was dealing with it. He told me my son was having a hard time coping and that he wanted to do something special to lift his spirits. I encouraged him, gave him the recipe, and thanked him for looking out for my son.
But now I’m thinking about what the ex-girlfriend said and how odd it is for my son’s partner to be making him dinner and trying to cheer him up. I’ve never seen that level of concern from a partner before. My husband’s partner was nice, and I’m still friends with him, but he never went out of his way like this.
It made me wonder if what the ex-girlfriend was talking about was my son being in love with his partner and vice versa. Maybe that’s why she felt my son couldn’t love her properly—because he was already in love with his partner. I’ve noticed how close they are, and I’ve seen pictures of them together where they look more like a couple than just partners.
I don’t care one way or the other—I just want my son to be happy. But I’m torn. Should I ask him about it and risk making things awkward, or should I just let it go and trust that he’ll tell me if and when he’s ready?
Thanks for any advice.
– ConcernedMom55
This one is lovely! Thank you so much! XX
Dear ConcernedMom55:
Police officers often live fraught and dangerous lives, as you well know from your own tragic experiences. I’m sorry you lost your husband and, subsequently, you are not as close to your son as you would like to be.
Is it possible you could visit your son and “get the lay of the land”? Perhaps seeing your son interact with his partner would provide the clues you seek. And certainly, such a delicate, personal conversation would be better conducted in person.
If you cannot travel, invite your son and his partner to visit you! This will offer you a chance to see your son, get to know his partner (who may or may not be his lover), and begin a relationship with *them,* as your letter clearly intimates they are close, perhaps closer than brothers, perhaps something more.
I am delighted to hear that, if your son were in a relationship with his partner, your feelings for him would not change.
Best of luck–regardless of the outcome, my women’s intuition tells me all will be well.
Warm regards,
Mom of five adult sons: two straight boys, two gay boys, and one transgender.
P.S. You got this! 😉
Dear ConcernedMom55
You might be onto something important. It could very well be that your son loves his partner above and beyond a typical partnership. But the question you ask isn’t whether that’s true – it’s whether you should ask him about it. Oh, the difficulties of having a grown son – being a concerned mother doesn’t end with adulthood. However, no matter how concerned you are, you should not ask him about this. You might see something he doesn’t yet see himself, and pointing it out to him is risky. This is something he has to work out on his own. Wait for him to come to you. And when he does (I have a feeling someday that will happen), you will be ready to support him with open arms. In the meantime, send that partner of his a special Christmas present this year, just as an extra thank you. Like maybe two tickets for your son and him to come visit you in New York. A little nudge wouldn’t hurt anyone.
Dear ConcernedMom55,
You may be onto something important. Your son may indeed be in love with his partner, it sounds like they are very close. It’s wonderful to hear that you would be okay with that. However, the question isn’t whether or not it’s true – it’s whether or not you should ask him about it. Oh, the difficulties of being a concerned mother, it never ends, even into adulthood. However, I do not think you should ask him about it, he may not be ready for the question, and may not even know himself how he truly feels. Wait for him to come to you. When he does (and I have a feeling he will someday), you will be ready to support him with open arms. In the meantime, maybe send that partner of his a special thank you gift, just for being a such a good friend. Like maybe two tickets to visit you in New York, one for your son and one for him? Put them together in the guest room, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind. A little nudge wouldn’t hurt anyone either.
ConcernedMom55 — As long as you are being supportive of your son, no matter what life choices he makes, and he knows you feel that way, I don’t think you need to address the matter directly. If what you suspect is correct, he will tell you when he is ready. Although it wouldn’t hurt to invite both your son and his partner to come visit when they have some time off. And maybe find out what his partner’s favorite meal is as well.
Simply wonderful! I could read one of these everyday!
Kath
Dear ConcernedMom55
It sounds like you are onto something important – your son and his partner seem very close, and other people see it too. How wonderful that you would be supportive of that relationship! But I don’t think you should bring this up to him, he may not be ready for it. Let him come to you (I have a feeling he will, someday).
In the meantime, why not give his partner a special gift to show how you appreciate his friendship – like maybe two tickets to New York. Put them both in the same guest room. A little nudge wouldn’t hurt anyone either.
It sounds like you are onto something important – your son and his partner seem very close, and other people see it too. How wonderful that you would be supportive of that relationship! But I don’t think you should bring this up to him, he may not be ready for it. Let him come to you (I have a feeling he will, someday).
In the meantime, why not give your son’s partner a special gift to show how you appreciate his friendship – like maybe two tickets to visit you in New York. Put them both in the same guest room. A little nudge wouldn’t hurt anyone either.
ConcernedMom55,
If it were me, I would let things play out on their own. If there is something more to the relationship between your son and his work partner, he will let you know when he feels it’s time to tell you. And if that is the case, you will not be surprised and can tell your son that you’ve suspected as much for a while. And that will make you look brilliant which is, no doubt, the truth.
Keep ’em coming, Nicol!
ConcernedMom55 is one smart cookie! Thanks for her take on her son and his partner.
Delightful! I love stories about Starsky’s mom.
These have all been wonderful so far, Nicol.